Monday 11 February 2019

DAMAGE - EVE AINSWORTH

Trigger warnings for self harm, alcohol abuse or neglect
I have tried so many times to sit down and right this book review, but for some reason, it is a difficult one for me to discuss but I guess I will get into that in a minute. Before I go any further into writing this review I just want to say that if you are triggered by self-harm, alcohol abuse or neglect then I highly suggest that you don't read this book or this review as those topics are spoken about frequently in this book. Right now, I feel ready to discuss this book even though it has been over two weeks since I read it, but maybe this book might benefit someone else. Overall, I did give this book four out of five stars but if you want to find out why, I guess you could just keep reading on. 

This book is about Gabi, who appears to be a pretty typical teenager, however, due to the recent death of her grandad, who she felt like was the only person that understood her, she turns to self herm to deal with her grief and guilt.
That is about as brief of a summary as I can give but hopefully I will go into more depth as I carry on writing. Initially, I was super aprehensive when going into this book because as much as I wanted to see how self harm was presented in this book, I was scared that it was going to be inaccurate or triggering to me personally. This book definitely did come as a shock to me in many ways and I was even more surprised that I read it in a day.
Overall this book is fairly short and the writing is easy to follow due to the language being very simplistic so this could easily be a book you could finish in one sitting, however, due to the heavy topic matter, I would definitely suggest that you take your time but also have a break when you feel as though the intensity is getting too much for you. 
I want to tackle the presentation of self harm first in this review. Firstly, the self harm descriptions in this book are very graphic and detailed so just be really aware of that when going into it, I definitely didn't expect it to be as detailed as it was. Saying that though, the way in which self harm is presented in this book, I percieve as being very accurate. As you progress through the book, you definitely see the intensity of the self harm building up and that is how it feels like for a lot of people, but this book also deals with people's reactions to self harm and the sort of assumptions made about them. What I thought was really good about this book was that Gabi, a while before she started to self harm, she remembers seeing someone else's scars and own self harm but during that time she made assumptions but through this book, you see her come to an understanding of self harm and what it is also like for other people.
Gabi's character as a whole was hugely relatable to me. I think one of the main reasons as to why I loved this book so much was because I have never related to a character more than I have related to Gabi. I know that could be difficult to understand due to the dark subject matter, but it is true. The descriptions of guilt and particularly her internal thoughts that are displayed are highly relatable and so I find myself marking a lot of them because I felt such a deep conntection to the words being said. Gabi is made out to be someone who appears to be put together which I think really reminded me of the idea that you really don't know what others are going through and this book really plays on that throughout as you see people really uncover what's really going on. She is definitely very insecure and some of her actions in this book are unjustified, but I think that adds to this idea that we are all flawed in one way or another and sometimes things don't appear as they are on the surface. 
As for Gabi's relationships, starting with her family, she is an only child, she has this very argumentative relationship with her mum and as much as she tolerates her dad, he is not around enough to make her not feel alone. Gabi's relationship with her mum is a huge part of this book as the journey very much fluctauates. Written from Gabi's perspective, her mum isn't painted in the best light but through Gabi's own personal journey of guilt and self-harm, you sort of see them both meet a middle ground. 
One of the happier moments in this book for me, was the relationship Gabi had with her granddad. At the end of each chapter, in italics, you get a small flashbacks of Gabi with a range of people but the ones that always made me the happiest were the ones with her granddad. As much as Gabi's mum didn't get a long with her own dad, Gabi had never related to or understood someone more. Gabi's granddad was the closest person in her life, she would always keep him updated, she would visit him frequently and even through his flaws, she would always try and see the best in time. I think I loved this part of the book so much was because I have quite a close relationship with my granddad myself and this just adds to how much I related with Gabi. There are just so many small moments in this book which are scenes with Gabi and her granddad that just make my heart so happy but I will say, as you progress through the book, there are definitely flaws revealed about Gabi's granddad and without spoiling too much, their relationship becomes very difficult as you get nearer the end, but those first few chapters contains so much hope and love, that you can't overlook it when talking about their relationship.
As for the friendships, I really loved them, mainly Gabi's best friend who is the first one to notice when Gabi first self harms. I think I loved this friendship so much because of how important her best friend's role is. Her best friend is so thoughtful and caring, which you really see and understand throughout the book and when dealing with self harm, her best friend reacts in a way that I think is supportive and appropriate for the circumstance.
This book does also contain a bit of romance, which is what let this book down for me. As you might know, I love a bit of romance, but it just seemed so rushed and inapproriate for this book. I don't really want to spoil too much but the love interest for Gabi makes, what I would deem as, a huge slip up and it almost seems to be brushed over and forgiven way too quickly for my liking. It seemed to feel a bit rushed and I really just wasn't a fan of the love interest, he was far too insensitive and careless at the beginning for me to enjoy their romance nearer the end. 
One of the main story lines in this book, is the mystery of why Gabi carries so much guilt and you see snippets of her dreams and little things that trigger her, yet you don't know what's caused it. However, by the end, all is revealed and it is heartbreaking. I had to stop and just cry when I came closer to the end because the myserty that is revealed is just devastating and I can't describe it in another way. I don't want to spoil it though, but just be warned, it's probably going to make you cry. 
As for the ending, it is one of the main things that leaves me quite conflicted about this book. Initially, I didn't like it, I though that it was abrupt and lacked a lot of explaination as well as a thoughful resolution, however, the more I thought about it, the more I thought that the ending made sense. Without saying what happens, the ending leaves it up to your interpretation to an extent, it leaves you on the edge which I disliked at first but not that I think about it, it makes sense. I think the ending of this book demonstrates that there really is not a simple ending to someone who has gone through self harm. There isn't a happy ending or a satisfying resolution but as the reader, you can offer hope that the character will come to an understanding. The ending definitely adds to how well I think the book deals with self herm, I have thought about it lots of times, and I have came to the idea that the ending was the most approriate it could have been for a book like this. It offers hope but it also demonstrates that there isn't an easy escape and that something like self harm is a journey. 
Before, I finish this review, I thought that I would just quickly say why I think some people should read this book. Obviously, this isn't a book for everyone, or maybe even most people for that matter, it is definitely very emotional and graphic but I think that the subject matter it discusses needs to be understood more by a wider range of people. I think that you should read this book if you want to understand self harm more, whether you know someone who has gone through it, someone who is going through it, or you just want to gain and understanding, I think that this could be really insightful for you. This book offers a first hand experience of what self harm can be like, what the mentality is like and also the ways in which people react to it. 

This book definitely means a lot to me and I really hope that these difficult topics are confronted and discussed more because I think more people are going through it than what we realise. 
Grace xx

No comments:

Post a Comment