Should I start a youtube?

Hi everyone,

This will not be a normal post today, I am sorry but I need to ask you your opinion on something. As you can see by the title, I am thinking of becoming a youtuber. This post will only be up for a few days and after it will be deleted.

As soon as I started getting into beauty, I knew I wanted to be a youtuber. Not as a job, just as a hobby. There were just so many things stopping me...

- How to ask my parents

- How my friends at school would react

- I am a very insecure person

- I have braces

- I only have an Ipad to film on

- There are far to many teenagers creating beauty channels this year.

All of these things put together stopped me from doing what I have always wanted to do, and some of them still are. 

I created this blog to talk about beauty, fashion and my life in a more anonymous way. But my blog and Instagram have grown so much this year that I am considering starting a youtube.

The fact I have hit 100 followers on Bloglovin and almost 1k on Instagram makes me feel like I can do anything. 

Conference has always been a big struggle for me. Meeting new people, new environment, new surrounding, all of these things to me scare me slightly. I am not the best with speaking in public. When I am asked to read in front of the class at school I gibber a lot and mess up the words almost every time I open my mouth. 

Most of my close friends consider me as confident and that is only because, I am not embarrassed to be myself in front of them. If I know you really well, I am completely mad, but when you first met me I am mute. I have always struggled being myself. Some many times people have told me to change, and I would give them exactly what they want(which I know is a bad thing) but sometimes I still do it to this day.

As well as being afraid of what other people will think of my personality, I am scared of what they would think of my size. I don't know whether I have mentioned this before but please can I now receive any hate for it. All through primary, I was classed as a large girl. My parents never really knew I had a belly because I always breathed in whenever I was around them. All my life they have thought I am completely normal in weight and they have always told me I have a great figure. But they don't know the truth.

Starting high school I was determined to loose at least some part of my belly and going into year 9 I can now say I am at least 30% confident with my body. It may not sound like a lot but it is to me. Starting high school, I cut down my snacks and started to workout more. I am not a healthy eater nor will I ever be. The reason I gained so much weight as a kid was because I would snack far to much and just watch tv. Because I now dance I felt uncomfortable being surrounded by stick thin people and I still am. Now I eat a sensible amount, and workout at least once a week and I dance 4 hours a week. I still have a belly and I think I will always have but I don't want that to be the reason why I am so scared of starting a youtube.

Through my blog and instagram I have posted a picture of my body once on my blog and a picture of my face on instagram once(that picture has now been deleted). I wish I had the courage to keep it up but I wasn't ready.

Sorry for the long story but at the end of the day, the last two years have been a struggle for me. I have had a lot of personal barriers break me down into thousand of pieces. But I wrote this post to say I am healing, and I feel like I don't give enough to the people that read my blog, so I am going to ask you a question.

Would you like to see me? see my face? see my body? see me talk? and see me create a youtube?

Please let me know your whole thoughts. I love you all loads and never forget that!

Grace xx