WHY I'M NOT READY TO TALK ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH

Mental health surrounds us. Although it isn't something you can see or recognise, numerous people suffer from mental illnesses but we see it everyday, on the news, on twitter, it is everywhere. Endless amounts of brave people have spoken up about their own mental battles and struggles and have helped spread awareness. On the other hand, it has led others to believe that it is 'trendy' or that mental illnesses like depression and anxiety are 'not real' because 'we all have bad days'.

A mental disorder can be diagnosed, it can also be self-diagnosed but people can be so quick to label themselves as 'depressed' even though they may not, yet by the same token, some people suffer exactly the same as someone who has been officially diagnosed but are too scared, so they just rely on their self-diagnosis.

I am scared to talk about my mental health because I am scared people won't believe me. I am scared people will laugh at me. I am scared people will start making jokes. But I know how I feel and I know it's not normal. Yet, is self-diagnosis enough? Is it enough for people to start taking you seriously? Can I talk about my mental health if I have not been officially diagnosed?

I know that what I am battling mentally isn't 'eveyday problems' or 'normal anxiety' but I'm not ready to go and talk to someone about something I can't explain.

Someone in my life sees what's going on, how I am effected and although they want me to speak to someone, I can't. I have this inability to talk about what goes on in my head because I can't seem to explain it and I breakdown everytime I try and talk about it. Just writing this post is making me cry.

I wish someone would reach out and ask what was going on but I know they wouldn't understand and I know I wouldn't be able to explain. 

Whenever someone asks me 'are you okay?', I will also respond with 'yes'. I could be having the worst day and I will still tell someone that I am completely okay. It's wrong, I know but I am suppose to just load all of my problems onto someone else. There is nothing I hate more than feeling like I am a budren to someone, like they feel like they have to look after me even if they don't want to. And that is why I am not ready to talk about my mental health. 

I feel like if I talk about my mental health, people will either treat me like I am made of glass or they will make a joke and shrug it off. It's easy for someone to say, 'how do you know that's what would happen?", the answer is, I don't but at the same time, I am not ready to trust someone when it comes to this.

Sorry if this post seems a bit random and pointless but I really had to get these feelings down for myself and I wanted to post it to see if anyone feels the same.

Grace xx