So I better start explaining what it is I am talking about. As a bit of background knowledge, I went to a grammar school, got my GCSE results and I stayed on at my high school to do sixth form. What happened this week was that letters were handed out to the people who did 'especially well' in their GCSEs and they were given the opportunity to go to a talk all about getting into a Russell Group University.
Once this had happened, it was a very large topic of conversation for the day and I quickly learned that I hadn't recieved a letter. I didn't think much of it at first, but when I found out that you were given them based off of your GCSE results, I felt disheartened and unworthy, to say the least.
Long story short, I am now going to this talk but only because one of my friends, who got a letter, didn't want hers, and so she gave it to me. I didn't get it because I was 'worthy' of going and that is what I want to discuss today.
I don't feel like telling you my GCSE results would make this situation any better, because although I did the best I possibly could of in my GCSE and I gained results that I am extremely proud of, that didn't stop me from feeling so distraught and disheartened by this whole situation. I also just want to point out now that I am not envious of anyone who did recieve this letter, I am proud of them, I definitely don't think that I am the best or more worthy than anyone else. I understand that some people would not be phased by this going on, but as someone who would class themselves as being quite academic, this was really disappointing to me. Although I am still weighing up university as an option for after ALevels, I would have liked to have been given the opportunity to have gone to this talk personally, anyway.
But I didn't, and that is what I mainly wanted to talk about today. With this happening only last week, I still find some of my thoughts today to be very doubtful and negative. I have felt disappointed in myself this week for feeling like I wasn't good enough and that feeling has simmered down, but it is still there. Overall though, I just felt unworthy and like I was a disappointment and I am sure some other people who didn't get this letter has felt like this too.
I felt as though I needed to acknowledge this though, to myself and to also reassure people. I can see some people from my sixth form, reading this post and saying judgemental things about it, but I don't really care, because this has taken a toll on my confidence this week.
This post is just a reminder to myself and to anyone reading this that I am worthy and so are you. Elements of the school system are corrupt, and this is an example of that, but it still happens and so I think it needs to be said more often that every student is capable of what they want to achieve whether that be getting into a Russel Group University or not. I think that feeling disheartened and unworthy can have two outcomes, finding a new motivation or falling into a spiral of self doubt, I know which one I would rather. I have definitely came out of this situation feeling upset initially, but now reflecting on it, I feel a greater motivation to prove them wrong and to write this post.
If this has happened to you, if you have felt this way, then I hope you have came out of it on top too and if you haven't, you deserve better than how you are being treated and you are worthy of anything you want to achieve.
I think I might start writing more posts about the education system because as of right now, there are a lot of things that I wish were different and that's not to say that I am ungrateful, but I think it needs to be discussed.
Grace xx
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