FINDING A REASON TO LIVE

Hi everyone,

Over the past few weeks I have been joking here and there about how I need 'a reason to live' and as much as I try to laugh it off, it couldn't be more true. I feel like I've taken ten steps back and I can't move forward. Most of the time now, I go to school and I come home and work, there is nothing in between. I don't seem to do anything for fun anymore and everything feels out of my depth. I feel disconnected from friends, so I find myself too afraid to spend time with them. All of my hobbies, all sort of seemed to disappear once at a time and I'm simply in decline. I have days where I want to kick myself and say 'get your life together' and other days, I literally don't want to ever wake up again. 

A few weeks back now, I went through a 'get your life together' phase and I started to make these plans and arrangements for myself, starting with taking up a new sport, golf. A lot of my family actually play golf and my brother, in particular, is a pro and all that so I asked him about taking it up so he's started taking me every now and again to go a play. I've only done it a handful of times but so far, I like doing something new and hopefully it can be something I'll stick to. 

Another super recent thing that I've started is photography. I've always wanted to take up photography but I never had the guts to and I also had no idea where to begin but after doing a few too many Google searches and watching a bunch of Youtube videos, I found a camera that I really wanted to invest my money into. I had been saving up for this camera over the past few weeks now but my parents very kindly surprised me with it over this last weekend. I feel super lucky to have recieved this and I know that I am going to really enjoy photography. I definitely plan on experimenting and hopefully meeting some people along the way who I can learn from and grow with.

I feel like my blog is something I need to acknowledge. It is clear that I haven't been consistent now for that last six months, I have been pretty unpredictable and my content is a little all over the place. I'm not too sure what the future holds to be completely honest. I am at the point now where I am just going to blog what I want, when I want, like this post. I love blogging and it will always be something that I am grateful for but I don't want to force or fake anything. I want to keep it authentic and just produce content that I am proud of, I don't want to ever force myself to write when I don't want to and I want to mainly just keep a good relationship with my blog.

So I guess those are some of my plans for the future, I definitely still have bad days where I just want to give up and feel sorry for myself but hopefully, I can stick to some of these things and maybe it will give my a new found passion for something. 

Grace xx

RECENT DISCOVERIES

I have definitely been stepping out of my comfort zone lately and I genuinely think that it the motivation came from boredom. When it comes to films and music mainly, I tend to stick to what I know, but lately, I have spontaneously gone to watch or listen to something that I wouldn't normally and it turned out to be something I really loved. Similar things go for books, I know the genres that I like but there are others that I have wanted to try but never found the urge to do so but over these past few weeks, I have definitely found some new favourites that I wanted to share. 

Who doesn't love a good musical? I know I definitely do. Musicals are always the types of film that just boost my mood but they also stick around in my mind for quite a while too as they always seem to have a really relatable storyline to them. I definitely haven't seen most musicals but one that I have recently discovered is Burlesque. This film was so amazing to watch and the soundtrack as well had some of my current favourite songs in it. The film basically follows a small town girl who moves to LA in order to become a performer and when she gets a job as a waitress at a Burlesque Lounge, she wants to be one of the dancers on the stage. Okay, so I guess that it is quite a cliche plot but it is such a good film. I think I love it so much because of the music and the dancing, it is definitely a different style to my normal taste but it was so cool to see such a unique style in a film like this. In a way, the dancing is quite provocative but it made me feel so empowered while I was watching it. It is definitely a proper feel-good film with great music and visuals so I would definitely recommend it. 

This film also contains one of my favourite love songs ever which is called Bound To You. I am not always one for a slow song, but the lyrics in this one are just beautiful and I love it, plus Christina Aguilera has an incredible voice and she sings the song beautifully.

As for some more music, one band I have currently been loving is The 1975. Quite a few of my friends love The 1975 and I just never wanted to give into the hype but here I am raving about how great their music, but it is so good. I remember, a few weeks back, sitting in my workspace searching Spotify for some music to play and I just got a sudden urge to listen to The 1975 and since then, I have been listening to them none stop. Their upbeat songs are just so catchy and so much fun, I just seem to have a great time listening to them. I even love some of their more slower, more meaningful songs and I just think how they compose their music is amazing. Some of my favourites include She's American, It's Not Living and Sincerity Is Scary, but my favourites tend to change all the time. 

For the second band that I have only just discovered over the past few days, Rex Orange County. I have been meaning to listen to their music for ages now, but I never felt the urge to until a few days ago and I just really related to the lyrics of so many of their songs. Their music is unlike anything I have ever listened to before, it's so unique, but I love it. I know I keep saying that I am not a slow song kind-of-person but Rex Orange County's songs are so powerful and I really reminisce with them. I'm just a bit obsessed with them right now. As for some songs in particular though, my current favourites are Sunflower, Loving Is Easy, Nothing and A Song About Being Sad.

I thought I'd finish off this post by talking about a book series that has completely destroyed me and although I finished it a few weeks back, I still think about it daily. That's the Shatter Me Series by Tahereh Mafi. So this is a dystopian, adventure series with some of the best romance I have ever read in it also. I feel like I read this series at the perfect time, the main character Juliet is so insecure and she doesn't trust herself in the beginning, but by the end, she has grown immensely into a strong protagonist. I don't want to say too much about the series because I just think that everyone should read it, but it is beautifully written, the characters are all perfect in my eyes and it is probably my favourite book (series) I have ever read. I read all three of these books within a week and that includes the time it took for books two and three to come in the post, I just flew through them because they were just so good. I think about them all the time and how the scenes made me feel. Please, please, please read this book series if you think that this might appeal to you in the slightest because I need some more people who I can talk to about this series. 

Definitely let me know in the comments what you've been loving recently!
Grace xx

UPCYCLED NO. 3 - Mini Skirt Out Of Curtains?

I have definitely found this whole upcycling thing to be so much fun and I love documenting it on here. Today's post is probably my favourite because I basically made it from scratch and I'm just super proud of how it turned out. 

There is a bit of a story about where I got this fabric from. Basically, my mum wanted some new curtains but when she bought them, she realised that they were too long but instead of returning them, I just took them up and so this fabric, what I cut off from the original curtains. Obviously, you have two curtains and because one of the trimmings wasn't long enough to become a full skirt, I had to match the pattern and attach both trimmings to create a bigger fabric to work with. 

This was a complete trial and error process, so it took a while but I feel like I got there in the end. There is a zip fastening at the back, so it is super easy to get on and off because the fabric has no stretch at all, but it also meant that I could make the shape super fitted. 

My only issue with this skirt is that it is quite short and so I am contemplating adding a third panel around the bottom, just to give it a little more length but we will see what I end up doing with it. This was a super fun process though and I just love how these were made of curtains because, I think, that the fabric works really nicely as a skirt fabric because of the way it holds shape.

I can't wait to carry on with this series, and hopefully, like this one, I will be able to find some unique ways of reusing fabric. 

Grace xx

LET'S CATCH UP

It has been quite a while since I have sat down and done this so I am sorry for going on an unplanned hiatus but hopefully, I am going to get back to it very soon. There isn't anything in particular that has kept me from blogging but I think it has been a combination of quite a few things. I just wanted to spend this blog post talking about what I have been up to lately and what my plans are for the near future. 

I think the main reason I haven't been blogging very often is due to a lack of motivation and inspiration. This isn't a chore to me and I never want it to feel like that so I always take a step back whenever I feel like it is becoming a burden but there have also been times where I have wanted to sit down and write a post, but I had no idea what to write about. Over the last six months, I'd say, I really lost myself and I don't really know what I am doing anymore or even who I am and I think that is showing. I don't know what I want to blog about and so I have sort of been doing a bit of everything hoping that someone might like it. I like to be consist though and I like to have a purpose, so I'm just feeling a little stuck because I feel like whatever I like one day, I'll hate by the next. There are obviously a lot of things that I like to talk about and discuss on my blog but I would like to be a bit more consistent with what I am posting about, but I guess we will see what I end up doing, because right now, I have no idea. 

In terms of my personal life also, I have been pretty busy, particularly with school. ALevels did manage to surprise me with how much commitment they were and I now look back thinking about how much spare time I use to have. As much as it is very time consuming and stressful, at times, elements of it are definitely rewarding and in May, I will even be sitting an AS exam, which is scary to say due to how fast it's approaching, but I'm hoping it will run smoothly. Going back to the stressful part though, I am also very scared for the future. I am definitely feeling intimidated by the idea of university and anything to do with making a life-changing decision and as much as I try to put it to the back of my head, my school somehow manages to remind me everyday that I need to make a decision some day. Right now, I am changing my mind daily and I think this only further enhances how lost I feel. 

Anyway, I'm trying to keep my head up and stay afloat to be completely honest right now because I am flucuating in ways I have never done before. I definitely don't know what I am going to do in the near future, and right now, I am just trying to take it day by day, but hoopefully, because it is Easter halfterm, I will get hit with some inspiration and hopefully produce some content very soon. 

I hope you are all doing well!

Grace xx