FINDING A REASON TO LIVE

Hi everyone,

Over the past few weeks I have been joking here and there about how I need 'a reason to live' and as much as I try to laugh it off, it couldn't be more true. I feel like I've taken ten steps back and I can't move forward. Most of the time now, I go to school and I come home and work, there is nothing in between. I don't seem to do anything for fun anymore and everything feels out of my depth. I feel disconnected from friends, so I find myself too afraid to spend time with them. All of my hobbies, all sort of seemed to disappear once at a time and I'm simply in decline. I have days where I want to kick myself and say 'get your life together' and other days, I literally don't want to ever wake up again. 

A few weeks back now, I went through a 'get your life together' phase and I started to make these plans and arrangements for myself, starting with taking up a new sport, golf. A lot of my family actually play golf and my brother, in particular, is a pro and all that so I asked him about taking it up so he's started taking me every now and again to go a play. I've only done it a handful of times but so far, I like doing something new and hopefully it can be something I'll stick to. 

Another super recent thing that I've started is photography. I've always wanted to take up photography but I never had the guts to and I also had no idea where to begin but after doing a few too many Google searches and watching a bunch of Youtube videos, I found a camera that I really wanted to invest my money into. I had been saving up for this camera over the past few weeks now but my parents very kindly surprised me with it over this last weekend. I feel super lucky to have recieved this and I know that I am going to really enjoy photography. I definitely plan on experimenting and hopefully meeting some people along the way who I can learn from and grow with.

I feel like my blog is something I need to acknowledge. It is clear that I haven't been consistent now for that last six months, I have been pretty unpredictable and my content is a little all over the place. I'm not too sure what the future holds to be completely honest. I am at the point now where I am just going to blog what I want, when I want, like this post. I love blogging and it will always be something that I am grateful for but I don't want to force or fake anything. I want to keep it authentic and just produce content that I am proud of, I don't want to ever force myself to write when I don't want to and I want to mainly just keep a good relationship with my blog.

So I guess those are some of my plans for the future, I definitely still have bad days where I just want to give up and feel sorry for myself but hopefully, I can stick to some of these things and maybe it will give my a new found passion for something. 

Grace xx