WE'VE GONE SELF-HOSTED

Hi everyone,

Just a quick one, but I wanted to let you all know that we've officially gone self-hosted. It's been live for about a week now but I noticed that I haven't informed those who read this blog so I thought I'd better make a post. I'd love it if you'd all make this transition with me, it has been years in the making and I am so excited and proud to say that we have finally done it.

Here it is - http://gracexkate.com 

FORGOTTEN FAVOURITES

I love makeup, and as much as I love trying new products, there is also something so great about rediscovering some old favourites. That is exactly what I wanted to share in today's posts, products I love but tend to forget about. I loved picking products for this post as it just reminded me of some gems in my collection and also how far I've come in my makeup journey. Hopefully, this will inspire some of you to pick out some old classics and give them the love they deserve. 

An absolute cult classic, the Anastasia Beverly Hills Contour Kit. I remember when this was at the very top of my wishlist and back when you couldn't ABH online or delivered to the UK, I remember being on holiday in the USA telling my mum how badly I wanted it and she treated my to it for my birthday. Even though that was quite a while ago, I still adore this product but do forget about it in my collection. As it is a palette, I get lazy and tend to just pick single compacts instead but this is so so good. The shades in this palette are perfect for setting concealer, highlighting, contouring and bronzing so it is so great for travelling and I wish I would give it the same attention when I'm at home. It is definitely a well-loved product in my collection, one that I should definitely reach for more and so it had to be on this list. 

The RCMA Powder was such a hyped product a couple of years ago and rightly so as it seemed like the perfect inexpensive loose powder. Back when baking was super trendy, I would wear this every time I did my makeup and now that I don't bake anywhere near as often, I never tend to reach for this. However, this is just a great powder to set with, as it mattifies and makes my makeup last so much longer. I guess this product has been forgotten about as I no longer wear super heavy makeup. With time I have definitely become more of a 'less is more' makeup kind of person but I do need to remember to whip this one out when I have an event coming up. 

Such an oldie but a goodie, the Milani Baked Blusher in Luminoso is loved by so many people. I love blush and as much as I love this one, I just don't seem to be reaching for this as often as I should. Although I don't find blush necessary when I do my makeup, blushers like this, when they have a lovely sheen to them, are great as they also double as a highlighter. I think with transitioning into spring, this one is definitely going to get a little more love and I hope so because it is such a gorgeous product. 

For people who have been reading my blog for years, this one is going to be such a throwback but the Kiko Flower Enriched Blush in Provocative Pink remains in my collection as one of my most loved blushers. I can't believe I haven't hit pan on it as I use to love and wear this every day for at least a year. It is because of this product, that I started to build a bigger blusher collection as it just became one of my favourite products. Especially when I only use to wear matte blushers, this was perfect as the colour was so versatile and it had such a buildable formula. Being completely honest, this is probably expired but it stays in my collection as I use to love it so much and maybe I will get it back out just to see if it still gives my the same feels. 

Another super hyped up product that had its moment in the spotlight, the Morphe 35O Palette. Although I think this phase of super warm shadows is almost over, this is still such a good palette. When ignoring the strong shades of orange, this palette makes for a great neutral selection of eye shadows, perfect for anyone. I also think that you can't go wrong with this formula as it is easy to work with. With also having the Jaclyn Hill palette in my collection, I tend to use that over this palette but that shouldn't be that case as I have made so many great looks with this palette and it still has such great potential. 

The final product is definitely an underrated product in my eyes, and I'm not even sure if you can still get it but the Collection Define & Perfect Brow Powder is so great. For a quick and easy brow fix, this is perfect as it is so easy to use and so quick to apply. It has a pencil-like-applicator but a dry, pomade like formula which makes it act like a powder, perfect for just dusting through the brows to add a little definition. I don't know why I don't reach for this more because every time I have used it, I have been really impressed and so I guess this post is a reminder for my to give this and all the other products mentioned a little more love in future. 

This post was definitely on the more light-hearted side but nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed and have been reminded to give some of your old favourites a little more love. 

Stay safe,

Grace xx

WHAT I'M DOING IN ISOLATION

As much as I wish I could be outside in the glorious sun, having fun with friends and family, given the scary and uncertain state of the country, I am following government guidelines and staying at home for the forseeable future.  As of yesterday, my work has also moved all of us to home and so I really am not leaving my house anytime soon apart from doing the shopping for my family and walking my dogs. Therefore, I thought I would share my list of the main things that I want to do during my time at home. This could either be a very over ambitious list or a very basic list but seeing as we don't know when we will be let out to socialise anytime soon, I thought I'd set myself a few challenges and new things to try. I'd love to know your suggestions in the comments and if you would like a part two to this post then let me know as I am sure I will be doing a lot more than just this.

Organising my room(s)

Especially with it being spring time, there is not better excuse then to sort out your entire room. With my exams having been cancelled now also, it is probably a good idea to sort out my office space and to get rid of all of the ALevel work that I am not going to need anymore. Please don't worry, I am not getting rid of all of my work just yet, but I do plan to move it into storage just for safe keeping. I don't know about you, but I love sorting things out, getting organised and just feeling like I have my life together, so organising my room seems like a perfect thing to get lost in right now. Especially the wardrobe. I am definitely in for a big purge when it comes to my wardrobe but later in this post, you will see that I plan to put some of my old pieces to good use. Like I said earlier, I would also love to reorganise my office space into something much more minimal and to turn it into a place where I can not only do academic work but also where I can blog. I am definitely going to be ordering some new bits soon and reoganising the whole space which I will record and share on here once it is all done.

Have a clear out

This one kind of goes with the whole organising room thing, but just generally getting rid of things I no longer need. Whether that be clothes, academic work, books or random stuff, I just want to get rid of it all and have a clear space for me to fully function in because right now, everything is buldging out of everywhere.

Read more

My reading year did not get off to the best start and so I would really like to crack on with meeting my target of reading 25 books this year. I still think it is possible, but I woud love to exceed it and read all of the books that I've had on my shelves for months. There is definitely a lot on my TBR now in terms of fiction but I do also want to read more educational books and read about new topics and ideas to widen my knowledge.

Finish my ALevel courses

Just for the sake of completetion and satisfying myself, I do want to finish my ALevel courses. This is just the case for both sides of my history course and also the further maths pure course. Especially as I may be going to university to study maths in September, I do want to finish my further maths course just to keep me on top of my knowledge and learn what will be essential for university level. With history though, I just want to learn what would have been needed for my exams. I have made great revision content for history especially and that is something I would like to complete so that I can pass it onto people who would be able to make use of that in the next couple of years.

Expand my knowledge

Quite a wide point to make, but I would really love to learn a couple of new things during my time at home. Not on an academic level but just learn about things of personal interest to me. Business and fashion are the two main topics I am planning to learn more about through books, online content and also some online courses so as well as taking up a lot of my time, I will be making it productive by learning something useful and interesting to me.

Upcycle old clothes

Like I said earlier, going through my wardrobe and getting rid of some items is the perfect excuse for me to expand my upcycling and sewing skills by giving some of my old clothes a new look. I love doing this and it is definitely one of my favourite creative outlets so I am very excited to give it my full attention.

Fall back in love with art

I can't lie when I say that fine art ALevel really has sucked some of the fun out of art for me but I do want to get it back. I have incomplete art ALevel work that I would really love to finish at some stage but to also just draw, sketch and paint for the fun of it, with no deadlines or restrictions. My friends and I have decided to set up an art club, where we pick a theme, do a piece of art and show each other while we are in self isolation which is something that is going to keep me going and keep me inspired for a while.

Make more online content

My blog and Instagram are two things which I really want to improve on and become more active on. As much as I have loads of ideas currently, it is putting them into practice and making the content one bit at a time which is something that I haven't done in a really long time. I am going to really try and make a routine out of it, while I have the time. Going self-hosted is something I also really want to do and since I am going to have loads of time to learn, I think now would be a great time to do it, but a lot of research is needed, however, if you have any useful pieces of advice about going self-hosted then please let me know.

Sell old clothes

Also with going through my wardrobe, I plan to sell a lot of the clothes that remain wearable and in good condition. Not only to bring in a little extra money in but to just keep busy and minimise what remains in my wardrobe. 

Make a fashion portfolio

I have a huge interest in fashion and as well as learning about it, I also want to create my own. From sketches to samples to garments, I really want to learn and create over this time. I plan to create my own sort of portfolio and sketchbook just to keep me creative but to also inspire me for when this calms down. I'd love to learn to construct garments properly and I love to design my own pieces so starting now, that is one of my top goals to achieve, especially for by the end of this year.

Once again, I'd love to know your plans for isolation in the comments!

Stay safe,

Grace 

A LONG AWAITED UPDATE

Hello everyone,

It feels very weird to be sat down writing this post. Mostly because it's been a while, but also given the circumstances of this post. What I wanted to talk about today was where I am at right now and what I have been up to over the last month or so. However, before getting into all of that, I want you all to know that I am sending all the positive vibes I have left, your way. I hope you are all coping during this difficult time and I will be available if anybody needs someone to talk to.

I'll start with what I've been up to. As most of you will know, I am currently in year 13, my final year of education and so the last few months have been pretty crazy for me. I guess why I went so quiet on social media over this time was not only my workload getting heavier but also how I was coping with the stress, it was becoming unhealthy and so I came to the decision that I would take a break from blogging and that area of social media, just while I get through my exams. Obviously, I am back sooner than I would have anticipated but I guess I will talk about that now. 

I'm sure you all know, and you don't need me to explain it once again but COVID-19 has become very serious and very high-spread within the UK over the last couple of weeks. I don't want to talk about it a whole lot as I think we all need a bit of a distraction but it has completely transformed my life in the space of a couple of days and that's something I need to explain. Like I said earlier, I am in year 13 and last Wednesday, the government announced the closure of all schools and the cancellation of all May and June exams this year. What this means for me is that I am no longers sitting ALevel exams and yesterday (Friday) was my last ever day of education. This has all happened over the last couple of days and so it is still really difficult for me to comprehend right now, which I think is how a lot of people are feeling at this given time, but I wanted to get this post up quickly. With obviously having an abrupt end to my education, it is a very disheartening time for a lot of people, myself included but something I want to clarify is that I still believe that this was the right decision in regards to closing down schools. I am in full support of preventing the spread of COVID-19 and I plan to play my part in that. However, what it now means for me, is that I have an extremely long break between year 13 and university (if that is what I decide to do) and with a lot of that time being spent at home, I am starting to put things in play that are going to keep me occupied. Obviously, this blog has been neglected for quite some time and I have never really been able to give it the attention it deserves and that is one of the main things I plan to do with my time at home. I am definitely going to be posting content more frequently and to a higher standard, my Instagram should become more active and I can finally be that content provider that I have wanted to be for a really long time. The other things I get up to are also going to be posted on here or Instagram so in summary, I just wanted to post this to let you all know that I am back. 

There will be a post coming in the next couple of days so stay tuned for that and like I said, you are going to be seeing a lot more from me very soon so please stick around. I hope you are all doing well though, given the awful conditions of the world right now I think it is times like this that we need to be here for each other and so if anyone does want someone to talk to, I am available through different social media and also my email (gracexkatex@gmail.com), so please feel free to drop me a message.

Stay safe,

Grace xx

LIFE LESSONS I'VE TAKEN FROM MY PART-TIME JOB

I have been working part time now for six months and although I have had a few jobs in that time, I feel as though I have learnt a lot and changed a lot as a person from the new experiences I have had. In today’s post, I wanted to discuss some of those things as I think it is important to document growth and I really feel like I have developed a lot as a person, so I wanted to share my change of mindset with you all today. 

1. Don’t take things too seriously

This is probably the biggest things I have learnt and changed about my mindset following my previous jobs. When I started in hospitality, I had no idea what to expect and going into that job, I was incredibly paranoid about everything going on in my life at the time. I had a really unhealthy relationship with my mind, questioning most people’s actions and words, and it got to the point where I was obsessing over things that hadn’t even happened yet. However, being thrown into a job, learning as you go along and being around people you have never met before, gives you the perfect opportunity to start fresh. I found that as I worked more and more shifts, I was questioning less and less. I didn’t know anyone when I started any of my jobs and so having that clean slate when meeting people for the first time is refreshing. Even within the first couple of weeks of working the odd shift, I noticed myself no longer panicking about what people thought of me. At the end of the day, especially a part time job, you are just there to do your job and so is everyone else. Most people tend to stay in their own lane and so there was never any reason for me to become paranoid that perhaps no one liked more or that people thought I was this, that or the other. 

Also starting on in a job, you are not going to be perfect, it is inevitable. You are there to learn and experience new things, but you will get better. Someone hasn’t hired you because they think that you are perfect and will never slip up, even the most experience of people in that job will still make mistakes it’s human. I use to be very fixated on the mistakes I made, now matter how big or small and that definitely didn’t help my paranoia, but you slip up so much in work as you are learning that there is just no point in dwelling on it. It’s about doing the best of your ability and as long as you’ve put the effort in, there is no need for anyone to take a little mistake so seriously. I have found my work journey to be a huge learning curve, not only know things about hospitality and insurance now, but also learning how to take on criticism and corrections in a way that is healthy for my mind. 

2. Spend your earnings wisely

I find this a funny one for myself as before I had a job, I use to be a huge spender. Any bit of pocket money I had, I would spend weeks debating on what I should spend it on. Now, however, because I have worked and earned my money in a more personal way, I don’t feel a need to impulsively spend it. I now have a greater appreciation for money and I now chose to spend it on more important things rather than that top off of PLT that I liked for about two seconds and ordered. The money that now sits in my bank, I feel like holds more value as I worked for that, I put in the hours and I earned that money and so I do think that it makes you more inclined to look after it. 

3. Go in with an open mind

The people who I have worked with, now and in the past, are people I never would have met before getting a job. Due to a whole range of things, I feel as though I have been brought up sheltered from certain elements of life. I always use this example, but I had never really known very many smokers until I started working just because that was never something I was exposed to in my life. It isn’t really a big deal but it is just one of those things you adjust to, seeing people going on a smoking break and asking you if they have a lighter, it is just something you adapt to, but it is exposing you to something you have never had to deal with before. The people I have met through work have come from all different walks of life, many chose not to go to uni, or didn’t even get GCSEs, which are things I had never really considered before. It probably makes me seem really naive but I feel like a lot of people are also like this, and until you meet these people through work, then you will never really know what else is out there. I have spoken about it a lot, but with the school I went to, university was pushed massively and I mean, it still is and going into work a lot of people tend to ask if that is what you want to do, however, when you say you aren’t too sure, they are much more understanding than the staff I have spoken to in school. I have found that the people I work with are very open minded, and don’t share any judgement for the decisions I make or for the way I feel and so that is just another example of the way I have became more open minded through working, but like I said, I am constantly being exposed to new things, beliefs and mindsets and it’s inspiring, it isn’t always a bad thing and I feel like it’s a huge step in becoming more mature and accepting. 

4. Attitude is crucial

Your attitude towards your work determines everything. You might not realise it at the time, but the way you think of yourself and your job will influence the way you work. I’ve always tried to go into my jobs with a positive mindset, especially when starting out, being enthusiastic to learn, deliver good customer service and to do a good job. I have noticed though, that when I am perhaps not feeling 100% or I feel very anxious about my job, then I am much more inclined to not wanting to go and messing up when I do get there. Especially when I worked in hospitality, I was working in two different places, one I loved and the other I hated, and it really started to show as I just didn’t do a very good job in the place I hated and I probably didn’t seem very approachable to the other staff. Also because I could pick and chose my shifts, I just didn’t show any enthusiasm for the place I didn’t like and although that meant I got to do more jobs I enjoy, when you do get in the mindset of not liking a job, you will just not go, even if it isn’t that bad. 

5. Use the rights you have

This is a funny one for me because in my hospitality jobs, I had no rights, no breaks, nothing and although it is kind of illegal, it did make me very much selfless when I was at work. No matter how tired, hungry or thirsty I was, I just learned to get on with it and smile while doing so. However, going into my current job, I was given a 30 minute break within all of my shifts, I also get 10 minute comfort for while I’m working and I also get way too much holiday time. But these are ‘normal’ things that I just wasn’t getting in my previous job and at first, it use to make me really guilty, I use to not want to take my breaks or use my holidays as I just felt like I was taking advantage of a job that I didn’t deserve. What I didn’t realise though was that everyone else had those rights and were using them so why shouldn’t I, so I started to take advantage of those rights I had. I make the most of my break now, using my comfort when I need to and booking holidays because I am inclined to have them. 

I'd love to know if you like these style of posts. I definitely don't want to come across as some work expert because I have only had a part-time job for six months now but I did just want to share my experience with you all today. 

Grace xx

THE ESSENTIAL NINE

As most of you will know, I love my custom palettes. I honestly believe that they are the best investment and some of the best makeup products I have in my collection. In this post, I wanted to share my top nine shades that make up my essential palette.

I am very much a neutrals girl and I feel like this palette sums me up perfectly. It is warm in tone and with loads of mattes, I know that I can create so many looks with just these shades. The three shimmer shades at the bottom are my lid shade options depending on what I want, either a bit of colour or something deeper in tone. In terms of the mattes, they are all very warm and I like that I have the option of a more mustard tone or a more peach tone as they are my two favourite colour palettes when it comes to my eyes. The top shimmer shade also has always been my top inner corner highlight so that is also a must in this palette.

As I've just said, the shimmer shade in the top corner is my all time favourite inner corner highlighter which is Makeup Geek Shimma Shimma. It is such an iconic shade and it is just beautiful on the skin. Even all over the lid, this is the perfect pale shade to just open up the eye. As you can see, I have even hit pan on this shade which I think shows just how much I love it and this would probably be the single eye shadow that I would recommend to everyone. I couldn't do my eye makeup without this and so it has to make it in this palette.

This is actually my newest single eye shadow, however, I don't know what I did without it now. Makeup Geek Beaches and Cream is the perfect initial transition shade when starting out with any look. It is a pale warm shade that just adds that the very first bit of shape and colour into an eye look. These Makeup Geek eye shadows are also just gorgeous. The mattes blend beautifully, and especially this shade, it just looks so seamless. 

Sadly, you can't actually get this shade anymore but I needed to mention it in this post because a shade like that is a must in my collection. I love that Freedom Sweet Life is the perfect medium warm brown shade. Even if I want something light on the eyes, just this in the crease would be enough for me because it is just such an easy shade.

Onto a bit more of colour now, Makeup Geek Chickadee is such a great shade to just add the slightest bit of colour. It is a medium yellow shade that I especially love to use in the crease to add some more warmth. I find this so flattering on my eye colour and I just think that although some might find it intimidating, it is such an easy colour to work with. This in the crease with a medium brown in the outer corner is such a natural eye look but that yellow hue just makes it that bit different. It's definitely the sort of easy, pop of colour I would recommend for any neutral palette. 

The next shade is one of my favourite colours ever, not even just in makeup terms. Colourpop Best Coast Scenario is the most beautiful coral shade that I just swoon over every time I see it. It is that perfect medium shade, and it isn't too orange or too pink, it's the perfect inbetween. You can do so much with this shade, whether it is in the crease, all over the lid or even in the inner corner, it is the sort of colour you can get so creative with. Once again, I find this really flattering on my eye colour and that is probably why I gravitate towards it so much, but that is how I would recommend people to ease themselves into colourful makeup looks. I can't really say that this would be my go-to shade in winter as I would associate peaches and corals with being more of a summer shade but nevertheless, like I said, just this in the crease and then building on top of it with some brown shades, does just help add that bit of warm and tone. 

This is the classic eye shadow shade of them all, Makeup Geek Cocoa Bear. It is the infamous warm, chocolate brown shade that no one can live without and I must agree, it is such a useful colour to have. I would never go straight into a look with this colour, but I love add this into the outer corner or the lash line to add that element of depth it offers. When it comes to eye shadow, I have never liked anything too dark or smokey, I would much rather something with is light and fresh, however, whenever I fancy just a bit of dimension and depth, this is the shade I reach for. It isn't too dark with is why I think I like it so much because it is way less intimidating for me. I can't imagine this not being in my essential nine though because it is necessary for almost every eye look I create. 

As for my fine three shades in this palette, they are all shimmers. I say it all the time, but when it comes to eye shadow, I am a matte kind of person, all day, everyday, however, you always need the odd shimmer just to give you that little bit extra and so that is why my bottom line includes these shades. The first one it Colourpop Come and Get It, perhaps my favourite shadow ever because of how beautiful and unique the colour is. It is a peachy pink shimmer, with a gold shift in it and it is the most beautiful thing in the pan but also on the eyes. It has such a metallic finish and is such a dream to use, I can't recommend it enough. This all over the lid with Best Coast Scenario in the crease, a powerful duo, to say the least. I just love this colour though, it is beautiful and definitely one I would recommend to anyone. 

The next shade is Makeup Geek Grandstand which again, I feel like is a very infamous shade, but once again I must agree. It is a gorgeous, metallic, rose-gold shade. I can't say that the formula is my favourite just because it does have a little too much fallout for my liking, however, that takes nothing away from how beautiful the colour is. It is that perfect medium shade that just looks great with any combination in the crease, just this all over the lid and your look is complete. Although it isn't the easiest to work with in terms of formula, it is so versatile when it comes to colour matching and picking something that will give you that element of shimmer. 

Although my final shade in this palette isn't my most used, it is the sort of shade I feel like everyone needs at least one of, which is a dark shimmer. Like I said before, I am not one for super dark and dramatic eye shadow, but that isn't to say that I still don't wear it every now and again. Especially when it comes to nights out or events, sometimes you want something a little more dramatic and glamorous, and Makeup Geek Mesmerized is that shade for me. I am not even sure how you would describe the colour but it is like a deep purplish grey that is so metallic on the eyes, it's incredible. Like I said, this all over the lid with a brown through the create is perhaps the easiest smokey eye in history, but that is just exactly what you want sometimes and so it had to make it into this palette. 

I'd love to know your individual eye shadow recommendations as I am constantly growing my custom palette. Let me know what you think of this selection!

Grace xx

JANUARY

I am so excited it's February, and looking back on January, although it felt like a year in itself, I didn't actually get up to too much. However, I did get up to a few exciting things which I am going to talk about in this post, but hopefully, the rest of 2020 is going to be even more exciting. Who knows if I am going to be able to do this every month in 2020, but I definitely wanted to give it a go as I love looking back at the things I have done/ achieved no matter how big or small. 

I learned to balance school and my job properly...

Much more of a general statement, but having started my job in November, I finally feel like I am starting to settle in quite nicely into my new job. I really think I picked good hours for me, as I am still able to do all of my school work comfortably and meet deadlines. This really was the month that I started to go into work feeling confident in my ability but also I started to build a routine around it also. Balancing school and a part-time job isn't easy and I haven't got it down to a fine art yet but I finally feel like I am getting there. Definitely compared to the state I was in at the end of November, I am so much more in control of my productivity, I am much more effective in both school and work, and I can finally plan and realise when things are getting too busy or overwhelming. 

Got my official exam timetable...

Something I wish didn't happen in January, but just part of the beauty of time, I finally know when I am sitting my ALevel exams. Although the prospect makes me want to cry and scream at the same time, it does mean that I can finally start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am now able to work around my exams, making plans for once I have finished and it is all starting to get very exciting. Although I can't imagine the exams being very enjoyable, I am excited for no longer being in education. 

Started Further Maths ALevel ...

Again, something that was inevitable, Further Maths ALevel. It was never something I thought I would ever do because I never felt good enough but now that I am here, I pretty proud of myself for getting this far. However, I can't say that I am enjoying it very much, it is definitely challenging and testing my patience on the daily but hopefully, it becomes rewarding in the end. Over the course of January, I have definitely had a few meltdowns over the difficulty and I can't promise that they won't happen again but I guess that's what I had signed up for. It has also helped me realise where my interests really lie and has provoked me to make a couple of decisions and realisations in the month of January, so I am definitely proud of myself for getting through this month for that reason. 

We threw a surprise party...

This is something you may have seen across my social media at the time, but mid-January, my brother and I threw my mum a surprise 50th birthday party. Perhaps the most stressful thing I have ever had to do but it turned out to be a huge success and goes down as one of my favourite nights ever. It was so nice to see all of my family together, catch up with people I haven't seen in ages but to also surprise my mum who is so special to me and my brother. I definitely plan to never throw a surprise party again because it was such a challenge, but it was so rewarding and emotional all at the same time. It is definitely one of those experiences that I will never forget and it will definitely go down as one of my highlights in 2020. 

Fell back in love with dancing...

This month, through a school competition, I was able to rediscover my love for dancing again. Although physically and mentally straining at times, throughout the month of January, I was able to fall in love with dancing. I got to be creative with choreography which is something I have a huge passion for and to watch it all come together in the end was so rewarding. It definitely took up a lot of my time but it is something I am really proud to have participated in and I am so glad I did it. 

Had a crisis over my future...

Not my most positive moment of the month, but something that was definitely long over due and brewing for quite a while. I am not going to relive the specific details but I will link the blog post I wrote in relation to my crisis, but it was definitely a significant moment in January. I can't say that I have had a massive revelation since then but it has definitely allowed me to start coping with my decisions and the way I feel so for that, I am grateful that it happened. 

Handed in 60% of my Fine Art ALevel...

On the last day of January, I finally said goodbye to my year-long art project which makes up 60% of my final grade. This was such a journey and I really hope that I can share some of my work with you someday but for the time being, it is all done and ready to be marked. It was definitely one of those things that felt like a huge weight lifted once I handed it in, and it also helped me realise that ALevels are coming to an end and that there are bigger and better things to come. 

I'd love to know what you think of these little monthly summaries as I would love to do them throughout 2020!

Grace xx

I JUST FEEL SO LOST

Hello everyone, so this is a very spur of the moment post because everything got the better of me yesterday and I let myself get incredibly overwhelmed. I wanted to come on here and consolidate how I feel because right now, there isn't anyone in my life that I think can relate to this so I am reaching a little wider. I'm not really one to talk about things and so I guess this is my best form of communication when it comes to expressing my true feelings and worries. 

You'll all probably know this, but I am a very indecisive person. I struggle to chose what to do at the weekend, never mind what degree I should do or what career I should aspire to achieve. Anyway, so this has been overwhelming me for the last year I would say and that is the prospect of my future. I have never had a career goal, although I have had phases of wanting to be a singer, a writer, a fashion designer, a lawyer, nothing ever stuck and still nothing has. It only started to dawn on me about six months ago that everyone had a plan and that I didn't but only now has it started to get the better of me. 

I started year 13 with the intention of doing a maths degree. Just because I'm good at maths and find it sort-of interesting at times even though I knew that there was something in the back of my head telling me that I was not going to follow through with it. Anyway, so I applied, got the five of my offers and here I am, still not wanting to go. After watching people go to uni, seeing how they've changed and developed with their new experiences, seeing how others reacted to what they had returned like, I just never felt like it was for me. I am not a party animal or even a small socialiser to be completely honest and I am also very insecure about my academic abilities. Sixth form has been a huge challenge for me and I don't think people have noticed, but it has affected me massively in terms of my mental state and how I look after myself. It was sixth form that made me realise that I am done with education. Not that I'm not grateful for the education I have had, because I am, but that I am ready to call it quits. To finish my Alevels and not return to education, or to at least take a break. As much as uni would mean that I would be studying a subject that I find interesting, learning and education just doesn't fill me with as much fulfilment as it use to, at least that's how it feels. 

Anyway, so I've expressed this on many occasions but I was still playing with the idea of uni. My family and friends were struggling to understand what I wanted from my future because even I had no clue but about November time did the pressure really start to kick in. Maybe pressure isn't the best term for it, but it was just a lot of 'what are you doing come next September?', 'WHAT?!? You haven't decided yet?', 'I think you should do ...'. Even before all of this, I was already confused, so this only intensified the underlying anxiety I had over my future. I am also very much a people-pleaser, I have always done things to make my family proud, to make others happy and as much as that has got me through the majority of my life, there is a time when I can't just keep doing that, and that has started now. Although I could just do something safe and something that my parents want me to do, I no longer want to push myself into a corner, because I did that after GCSEs and I still face those repercussions now. But I was also getting mixed feelings from everyone else in my life, people who can't say enough good things about university and how it is essential, but also how university is a waste of money and how apprenticeships are the best route to take. I just didn't know where I stood on the topic, and I still don't now. 

Come December, all of my friends in school knew what they were doing. Most of them had their offers and they were just waiting to take the next stages in their life meanwhile I was still trying to make my mind up. After having countless conversations with about one hundred different people, I still couldn't see myself at university like the rest of my friends saw themselves. Although my parents were persuaded at parents evening that a maths degree was the best next-stage for me, I just wasn't convinced and so I still remained in this unknowing state. 

That brings us to yesterday (22/01/2020). I went to a careers convention my school was hosting. I had been to one previously and although I wasn't too keen on attending this one, my mum insisted, so I went. I was waiting for something to just hit me, for someone to talk to me and say 'you were made to do this' but nothing came. After frustrating conversations with many different people, I left the evening feeling empty and hopeless. Returning back to the car, my dad was asking how everything went and whether there was any hope and I just broke down. For some reason, I just completely shattered in front of my parents, which doesn't really happen and so it must have been difficult for them to see. Although it wasn't just about the future and my anxiety surrounding it, it just happened to be triggered by just that. With Alevels slowly approaching, my insecurities getting the better of me and just generally not feeling the best in myself, I just collapsed. 

I felt so lost, so empty and like there was no hope for me. Without sounding too intense, I never thought I'd make it to here, never mind what I will be doing in five years and so I found the whole thing overwhelming. I also hated myself though, I hated myself for not knowing, for dragging everyone through this with me, for not making a decision and it had been eating away at me for months. 

I still feel all those things now. I hate that I don't know what I want from life or what is ever going to bring me happiness. I feel awful about the fact that I can't answer people when they say, 'what are your plans for September?'. I feel embarrassed that everyone else has a future path right in front of them and I don't. I hate that I am going to disappoint people with whatever decision I make. It is something I am trying to cope with now though. After talking to my parents, I am just going to take each day as it comes. I'm just going to focus on my exams and think about what follows at a later date. That's not to say that I am still not frustrated, or anxious, or disappointed, I'm just trying to cope with it now. 

This was just a very authentic post on how I'm feeling right now, but I am just glad to get it out. I know I haven't been very good on here or my Instagram, like I said I would, but I am really trying to just get by. Thank you to anyone who has read this the whole way through, even if you don't relate, it matters to me that you cared enough to read it. I don't know what the future holds for me or how I'm going to feel when I wake up tomorrow but I'm just trying to get better.

Thanks

Grace xx

BEST OF BEAUTY 2020

Although we are quite a few weeks into January, I still wanted to reel off the beauty products that I loved in 2019. All of these products, I will be taking into 2020 with me and hopefully loving them just as much as I did last year. 

Inecto Shampoo & Conditioner

I have spoken about these for quite a while now, but they were definitely a big love throughout 2019. This is my second set of the Inecto shampoo and conditions, but I believe that I will still continue to repurchase them until I find something just as good. These were the first proper cruelty-free hair products that I really loved and they come at such an affordable price that there is nothing to love about them. Like I said, I will continue to love these for a very long time and I encourage anyone to give these a go.

Soft & Gentle Deodorant

Another random beauty bit again, but Soft & Gentle were the first cruelty-free deodorant I had ever found and I love everything that it does. It is cheap and it does the job which is all I really need, and I have also repurchased this over and over again throughout 2019. My favourite scent is definitely the watermelon one, but yeah, these are great and I can't imagine myself buying from another brand anymore. 

Palmer's Coconut Butter

In terms of body products, I have really loved this all throughout the year. It is definitely such an incredible body butter, it is super hydrating and is good to just help nourish the skin. I love using this after a shower as it does such a good job and the smell is also to die for. This bottle has last me so long and I'm sure I will repurchase it after this one has ran out. I would definitely recommend this to anyone with super dry skin, as this one does such a good job at making your skin so hydrated and smooth. 

Superdrug Naturally Radiant Glycolic Overnight Peel

This is my standout skincare product of the year just because I love the way it makes my skin feel. I had never tried anything like this until last year but it pleasantly surprised me. You apply this a couple of days a week instead of a moisturiser and you sleep with it on, when you wake up, you sort of do your normal skincare routine but the peel makes your skin so soft. I love the glow this gives my skin also, as the name would suggest, it does give you a natural radiance, but the smoothing effect the peel has is my favourite thing. Especially when I know I will be wearing makeup in the morning, this is such a good step in my skincare routine the night previous just to help the application of my makeup.  

Hard Candy 12 Hr Hydrating Primer

Perhaps my favourite drugstore primer that I have ever come across and it has definitely been well-loved throughout the year. I love this because of how hydrating it is and when it's on the skin, it makes you look so luminous the glow remains even after foundation and power. It is also nice that it has a tacky feel once it has settled on the skin, which really does just allow the products to really adhere to the skin. 

Elf 16Hr Camo Concealer

I tried this concealer this year and it is incredible. There are so many drugstore concealers that I have loved this year, but this one is so incredible and I have definitely fallen in love with it this year. This was my holiday concealer this year and it did such a good job of lasting on the skin. I also think that they have a really good shade range and hopefully, I will be picking up a few more of this formula, so that I can have one for all year round. Throughout the year, I have also used this as a foundation and it still does a great job in that sense. The coverage is definitely medium to full, but I haven't found it to crease and it lasts so long. It's definitely up there with one of the best drugstore concealers. 

Revolution Pro Foundation Stick

As much as I would love to try this as a foundation stick, I do really love using it for contour. I am not always for cream contour if I am looking for something more lightweight and quick but for when I want to go full glam, cream contour is a must. This blends like a dream and the colour is amazing for contouring, but I would still like to try and pick this up in my foundation colour just to see what it's like.  However, I've used this loads last year and it definitely made my makeup experience loads better. 

Natural Collection Mattifying Pressed Powder in Translucent

2019 was the year I rediscovered this power and I am so glad I did. As simple as it is, it does all I need it to do. I can use this to set my undereye, my eyeshadow primer or just my entire face and it just does the right job. It mattifies without making my skin feel super dry and it does generally make my makeup last longer.

Ofra Highlighter in Rodeo Drive

I can't say I've been highlighter obsessed this year but this one stands out as the one I've gravitated towards the most this year. It is definitely my bold highlighter of choice just because of how pigmented it is and the glow it gives my skin is unreal. I love this though because of its colour, I can wear it when I'm pale or when I'm more tanned and so it is just so versatile and an essential in my makeup bag. 

Physicians Formula Butter Bronzer

Once again, I haven't really tried very many bronzers this year but as for the one that I have used and loved the most, this one definitely stands out to me. It applies like a dream but I mainly love it because of its colour, it is so subtle and just gives my skin some shape and dimension without it ever turning muddy. Definitely out of the drugstore bronzers I own, this is up there with one of the best. 

MUA Matte Essentials Eye Shadow Palette

I definitely rediscovered this little gem this year but for a different reason than what I had initially purchased it for. From jumping between pomades, pencils and powders, when it comes to defining my eyebrows, I have just found that I prefer them best when they are filled out with power. I just feel like with powder, I get the most natural finish and I am also able to control the opacity a lot more, so that is what I have started using this palette for. I still use it now every time I do my makeup because the shades work perfectly for me. It is definitely going to be the sort of thing that I repurchase just because of how useful it is to have in my collection and I would definitely recommend it to anyone that just needs a palette filled with all of the essential colours. 

Zoeeva Blanc Fusion Palette

My final product that I have to mention today is this palette. I have loved this to bits this year, mainly for its simplicity. In 2019, I did discover Zoeeva and having three of their eyeshadow palettes, I have really been able to test and trial the formula, but when it came to picking my favouite palette, this one stood out the most. I love this, once again, because of how basic the shades are. The amount of mattes just make it so easy for me to do a whole look with just this one palette, yet there is still chances for me to add a bit of colour and a bit of depth which I love. It is definitely my travel palette of choice and the formula is just amazing to work with. 

I'd love to know any beauty products you think that I should try in 2020!

Grace xx

BOOKS I NEED TO READ IN 2020

Looking back at last years TBR, I realised that I actually didn't read very many of them, but I am going to be a little stricter this year as there are so many books that I really need to expose myself to. One of my Christmas presents last year was also a kindle and so I am so excited to finally widen my reading experience by being able to just order and read anything I fancy. It should also make it easier for me to read more as I can transport my kindle much easier than a paperback. Either way, I have eight books in this post that I need to read in 2020 and get them ticked off. 

TO ALL THE BOYS I'VE LOVED BEFORE - JENNY HAN

Can you believe that I am still yet to read this entire series? well neither can I. I guess I just haven't been in the mood to start it, but I think that it is going to make the perfect summer romance read this year, especially with the second film coming out very soon. 

THE CRUEL PRINCE - HOLLY BLACK

I have already started reading this and I am so glad I decided to pick it up. Last year, I really discovered a love for fantasy and so this is one of the most recent, hyped-up series that I immediately added to my wishlist. This is the start of another series that I am very keen to read this year, but I'm obviously starting at the beginning. So far, I'm definitely loving it, and fingers crossed I will have finished it in the next few days.

WUTHERING HEIGHTS - EMILY BRONTE

This is a classic I have wanted to read for so long, it is just one that appears so frequently as a reference in others book and films, I just feel like I need to read it. Not that I know too much about the story, but from what I've heard, it's a bit of a romance and so I think it is going to be something that I really enjoy. I actually do already own a very beautiful copy of this book and so I really want to annotate it too.

HARRY POTTER - J. K. ROWLING

Last year, I started out making a really big effort in reading the entire Harry Potter series for the first time and although I didn't finish them all in 2019, I still want to complete the series. I have only got three books left so I really should have the enttire series ticked off early this year, but I won't lie, the sizes are starting to intimedate me slightly. Either way, I do plan on drawing a line under this series and finally being able to say that I have read it. 

THE BOOK THIEF - MARKUS ZUSAK

I have heard so many incredible things about this book and I just feel like it is one you have got to read in your lifetime. Obviously, this book is set in Nazi Germany during the Second World War, but I don't really know much else, however, I am intruiged to see what happens in the book. I feel like it is going to be very hard-hitting, but it is a book that I really want to expose myseld to.

THE HANDMAID'S TALE - MARGRET ATTWOOD

There has been so much hype about this book for the last fews years now and obviously the sequel came out in 2019, so that has been giving the orginial book more attention too, but I have just never read it. A lot of my friends have read it and have really enjoyed the story so I am really hoping that I feel the same way. I guess I am intimidated by the fact that it is a sci-fi and when it comes to undertsanding classics, I am not the best, but I want to try new things this year and just challenge myself. 

ON THE COME UP - ANGIE THOMAS

Kind of a random YA novel now, but I read The Hate You Give last January and I absalutely loved it. Although this book has been out for quite a while now, I have just never gone to buy the physical copy. Like I said earlier though, I did get a Kindle for Christmas this year which means that I get to buy it instantly and just read it straight away which I think is so great. It is definitely going to make so many more books so accessible to me and this is definitely one that I want to buy first. 

DEFY ME - TAHERAH MAFI

Everyone knows that I am so endelved in the Shatter Me series and this is the second to last book in the entire series. The very final book comes out at the end of March this year and so I want to read Defy Me around that time so that I am prepared for the ending. However, I really don't want this story to end, it means so much to me and I adore everything about it. There is definitely going to be a lot of tears in the end and I will probably go into a bit of a slump following it as nothing has beaten this series so far.

I'd love to know some of your book recommendations in the comments below!

Grace xx